9th February 2010
| Tel: 020 8567 8360 Web: www.adleriansociety.co.uk Email: info@adleriansociety.co.uk | 73 South Ealing Road London W5 4QR | 
Adlerian Family Network UK |
 | |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
Adlerian Family Network UK
Introduction to Adler's view of 'parent education'About Rudolf Dreikurs
Principles of Adlerian parent education
ASIIP is running accessible, friendly, challenging and inspiring parenting programmes up and down the country, at universities, colleges and in the community. Contact Carla Thompson for further information.
Click here to download details of Supporting Positive Parenting (Russell House, 2008), an important new book by Wendy Goddard, an Adlerian practitioner. This highly practical book offers a proven programme based on mutual respect designed for local community initiatives.
Introduction to Adler's view of 'parent education'
Alfred Adler was a social psychiatrist. Although curing sick people was very important to him, his main concern was preventative education and re-education of individuals. He knew that in doing so he would be able to influence society and its values.
He saw education as a way of helping people to live together as equals, with concern for each other's welfare. He emphasised the importance of encouragement, motivation and self-esteem.
Adler recognised that most problems within the family were a direct result of their poor relationship. As society began to change from a traditional, autocratic instiution to a more democratic model, it directly affected the relationship between parents and children.
When working with patients, he began to realise that many of the problems they brought to him were a result of what happened to them in childhood and often because their parents had not been prepared for the task of bringing up a family. The new, more democratic structure of society required more fitting and effective methods of rearing children.
He was aware that not only did parents have problems with their children, teachers too were troubled with the increasingly difficult behaviour by their students. Adler realised that these problems in families and at school were inter-related.
Rather than concentrating on individual cases, Adler conceived the idea that setting up Child Guidance Clinics would enable him, and psychologists trained by him, to reach out to many parents, teachers and would-be parents. He invited the parents to participate and to share their own experiences, successes and disappointments.
The child guidance clinics in Austria were immensely popular but they were closed in the mid-1930s when the Fascists came to power.
Back to the top
Alfred Adler was a social psychiatrist. Although curing sick people was very important to him, his main concern was preventative education and re-education of individuals. He knew that in doing so he would be able to influence society and its values.
He saw education as a way of helping people to live together as equals, with concern for each other's welfare. He emphasised the importance of encouragement, motivation and self-esteem.
Adler recognised that most problems within the family were a direct result of their poor relationship. As society began to change from a traditional, autocratic instiution to a more democratic model, it directly affected the relationship between parents and children.
When working with patients, he began to realise that many of the problems they brought to him were a result of what happened to them in childhood and often because their parents had not been prepared for the task of bringing up a family. The new, more democratic structure of society required more fitting and effective methods of rearing children.
He was aware that not only did parents have problems with their children, teachers too were troubled with the increasingly difficult behaviour by their students. Adler realised that these problems in families and at school were inter-related.
Rather than concentrating on individual cases, Adler conceived the idea that setting up Child Guidance Clinics would enable him, and psychologists trained by him, to reach out to many parents, teachers and would-be parents. He invited the parents to participate and to share their own experiences, successes and disappointments.
The child guidance clinics in Austria were immensely popular but they were closed in the mid-1930s when the Fascists came to power.
Back to the top
Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)Rudolf Dreikurs was a student and colleague of Alfred Adler. Already a well-known Adlerian psychiatrist, he developed the work that Adler had started and simplified many of Adler's ideas for use by parents and teachers. He saw the need for systematic organisation and techniques of applications to be able to teach others how to use Adlerian principles effectively in counselling, psychotherapy and parent education. He constructed probably the most effective tool in helping to understand our children's behaviour: the Four Goals of Misbehaviour and the techniques of effectively revealing these to a misbehaving child, while the development of the system of natural and logical consequences and the application of these techniques may well be Dreikurs' finest contribution.
When Rudolf Dreikurs explained the Four Mistaken Goals, people often asked: "How can you keep putting children in these boxes?" He would reply: "I don't keep putting them there, I keep finding them there!" Jan Nelson, Positive Discipline
He developed a common sense, practical approach to help families develop courage, assertiveness, responsibility and independence in their children. He soon established the first Adlerian Child Guidance Centre in the United States and trained counsellors from many countries. Today, there are Adlerian-Dreikursian Family Centres in many parts of the world.
Adlerian Parent Education aims to give children the skills to meet life challenges in a positive way and the courage to avoid the many pitfalls and dangers that confront children in our society of today. It supports parents by providing them with tools to ease and handle the stress of being a parent.
Adler and Dreikurs firmly believed that encouragement was essential to improvement of behaviour and human relationships. This approach contains the principles of discipline congruent with a democratic, co-operative society.
Many others have since made great contributions to the Family Counselling and Parent Education work that continues today. Amongst them are Oscar Christensen who did pioneer work in family counselling; Don Dinkmeyer Sr and Jr with Gary D. Mackay developed the internationally renowned Systematic Training in Effective Parenting (STEP) programmes; Michael Popkin is the Director of the Active Parenting Program while Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew with their Raising Kids Who Can programmes helped parents all over the world to develop structure and co-operation in a friendly family atmosphere.
In the United Kingdom, we have Adlerian parenting programmes taking place up and down the country, at universities, colleges and in the community.
Please contact Carla Thompson for further information.
Back to the top
Adler and Dreikurs firmly believed that encouragement was essential to improvement of behaviour and human relationships. This approach contains the principles of discipline congruent with a democratic, co-operative society.
Many others have since made great contributions to the Family Counselling and Parent Education work that continues today. Amongst them are Oscar Christensen who did pioneer work in family counselling; Don Dinkmeyer Sr and Jr with Gary D. Mackay developed the internationally renowned Systematic Training in Effective Parenting (STEP) programmes; Michael Popkin is the Director of the Active Parenting Program while Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew with their Raising Kids Who Can programmes helped parents all over the world to develop structure and co-operation in a friendly family atmosphere.
In the United Kingdom, we have Adlerian parenting programmes taking place up and down the country, at universities, colleges and in the community.
Please contact Carla Thompson for further information.
Back to the top
Adlerian Principles of Parent Education
Mutual respect based on the assumption of equality, is the undeniable right of all human beings. Parents who show respect for the child--while winning his respect for them--teach the child to respect himself and others.
Encouragement implies faith in and respect for the child as he is. A child misbehaves usually when he is discouraged and believes he cannot succeed by useful means.
Feelings of "security" are highly subjective and not necessarily related to the actual situation. Real security cannot be found from the outside; it is only possible to achieve it through the experience and feeling of having overcome difficulties.
Reward and punishment are ineffective. A child soon considers a reward his right and demands a reward for everything. He considers that punishment gives him the right to punish in turn, and the retaliation of children is usually more effective than the punishment inflicted by the parents. Children often retaliate by not eating, fighting, neglecting schoolwork, or otherwise misbehaving in ways that are the most disturbing to parents.
Natural and logical consequences are techniques which allow the child, always with safety of prime importance, to experience the actual result of his own behaviour.
Parents must learn to "mind their own business" and let the child learn from the logical consequences of his/her own behaviour.
Encouragement implies faith in and respect for the child as he is. A child misbehaves usually when he is discouraged and believes he cannot succeed by useful means.
Feelings of "security" are highly subjective and not necessarily related to the actual situation. Real security cannot be found from the outside; it is only possible to achieve it through the experience and feeling of having overcome difficulties.
Reward and punishment are ineffective. A child soon considers a reward his right and demands a reward for everything. He considers that punishment gives him the right to punish in turn, and the retaliation of children is usually more effective than the punishment inflicted by the parents. Children often retaliate by not eating, fighting, neglecting schoolwork, or otherwise misbehaving in ways that are the most disturbing to parents.
Natural and logical consequences are techniques which allow the child, always with safety of prime importance, to experience the actual result of his own behaviour.
- Natural consequences are the direct result of the child's behaviour, i.e. Tommy refuses to wear a coat while it is raining: he will get wet.
- Logical consequences are established by the parents, and are a direct and logical--not arbitrarily imposed -- consequence of the behaviour, i.e. Helen doesn't want to eat her lunch: she will be hungry until teatime.
Parents must learn to "mind their own business" and let the child learn from the logical consequences of his/her own behaviour.
Acting instead of talking is more effective in conflict situations. Talking provides an opportunity for arguments in which the child can defeat the parent. If the parent maintains a calm, patient attitude, he can, through quiet action, accomplish positive results. Withdrawal (leaving the child and walking into another room) is most effective when the child demands undue attention or tries to involve you in a power contest. Often doing nothing effects wonderful results.
The less attention children get when they disturbs, the more they need when they are cooperative. You may feel that anger helps get rid of your own tensions, but it does not teach the child what you think he should learn.
Don't interfere in children's fights. By allowing children to resolve their own conflicts they learn to get along better. Many fights are provoked to get the parent involved, and by separating the children or acting as judge we fall for their provocation, thereby stimulating them to fight more.
Take time for teaching the child essential skills and habits. Don't attempt this in a moment of conflict or in company. The parent who "does not have time" for such teaching will have to spend more time correcting an untrained child.
Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A dependent child is a demanding child. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility.
Overprotection pushes a child down. Parents may feel they are giving when they act for a child; actually they are taking away the child's right to learn and develop. When parents begin to have faith that their children can behave in a responsible way, while allowing them to do so, the children will assume their own responsibilities.
Over-responsible parents often produce irresponsible children. Parents who take on the responsibility of the child by reminding or doing for him, encourage the child to be irresponsible.
Distinguish between positive and negative attention if you want to influence children's behaviour. Feeling unable to gain positive attention, and regarding being ignored as intolerable, children resort to activities which get them negative attention. Negative attention is better than no attention at all!
Understand the child's goal. Every action of a child has a purpose. His/her basic aim is to connect, to be valued and to have a place in the group, be it the family, the class at school, the youth organisation, etc., i.e. children need to feel they belong.
The four goals of misbehaviour. The child is usually unaware of his goals. His behaviour, though illogical to others, is consistent with his own interpretation of his place in the family group.
If your first impulse is to react in one of these four ways, you can be fairly sure you have discovered the goal of the child's misbehaviour.
Minimize mistakes. Making mistakes is human. Dreikurs suggested that we have the courage to be imperfect. The child is also imperfect. Don't make too much fuss and don't worry about his mistakes. Build on the positive, not on the negative.
A Family Meeting once a week or so, can give every member of the family a chance to express certain issues and discuss what can be done about them. The emphasis should be on "What we can do about the situation."
Have fun together and thereby help to develop a relationship based on enjoyment, mutual respect, love and affection, mutual confidence and trust, and a feeling of belonging. Instead of talking to nag, scold, preach, and correct, utilize talking to maintain a friendly relationship. Speak to your child with the same respect and consideration that you would express to a good friend.
Back to the top
The less attention children get when they disturbs, the more they need when they are cooperative. You may feel that anger helps get rid of your own tensions, but it does not teach the child what you think he should learn.
Don't interfere in children's fights. By allowing children to resolve their own conflicts they learn to get along better. Many fights are provoked to get the parent involved, and by separating the children or acting as judge we fall for their provocation, thereby stimulating them to fight more.
Take time for teaching the child essential skills and habits. Don't attempt this in a moment of conflict or in company. The parent who "does not have time" for such teaching will have to spend more time correcting an untrained child.
Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A dependent child is a demanding child. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility.
Overprotection pushes a child down. Parents may feel they are giving when they act for a child; actually they are taking away the child's right to learn and develop. When parents begin to have faith that their children can behave in a responsible way, while allowing them to do so, the children will assume their own responsibilities.
Over-responsible parents often produce irresponsible children. Parents who take on the responsibility of the child by reminding or doing for him, encourage the child to be irresponsible.
Distinguish between positive and negative attention if you want to influence children's behaviour. Feeling unable to gain positive attention, and regarding being ignored as intolerable, children resort to activities which get them negative attention. Negative attention is better than no attention at all!
Understand the child's goal. Every action of a child has a purpose. His/her basic aim is to connect, to be valued and to have a place in the group, be it the family, the class at school, the youth organisation, etc., i.e. children need to feel they belong.
The four goals of misbehaviour. The child is usually unaware of his goals. His behaviour, though illogical to others, is consistent with his own interpretation of his place in the family group.
- Attention-getting: children want attention and service. We feel annoyed because they don't seem to take notice of or remember what we tell them. We feel we need to remind and coax them.
- Power: they wants to be the boss. We respond by feeling provoked and get into a power contest with them--"you can't get away with this!" A child who wants to be powerful generally has a parent who also seeks power. One person cannot fight alone; when a parent learns to do nothing (by withdrawing, for example) during a power contest, he/she dissipates the child's power, and can begin to establish a healthier relationship with him/her.
- Revenge: they wants to hurt us because they are hurting. We respond by feeling deeply hurt and revenge our feelings.
- Display of assumed inadequacy: they wants to be left alone, with no demands made upon them and often have given up. We respond by feeling despair--I don't know what to do!"
If your first impulse is to react in one of these four ways, you can be fairly sure you have discovered the goal of the child's misbehaviour.
Minimize mistakes. Making mistakes is human. Dreikurs suggested that we have the courage to be imperfect. The child is also imperfect. Don't make too much fuss and don't worry about his mistakes. Build on the positive, not on the negative.
A Family Meeting once a week or so, can give every member of the family a chance to express certain issues and discuss what can be done about them. The emphasis should be on "What we can do about the situation."
Have fun together and thereby help to develop a relationship based on enjoyment, mutual respect, love and affection, mutual confidence and trust, and a feeling of belonging. Instead of talking to nag, scold, preach, and correct, utilize talking to maintain a friendly relationship. Speak to your child with the same respect and consideration that you would express to a good friend.
Back to the top